Multi-Generation Living: „Residents Benefit from the Different Life Situations“

Living together, helping each other, counteracting solitariness and isolation – these are the ideas which underlay multi-generation projects. However, sometimes it may get tough, for example when different needs and lifestyles of young and old residents collide.

1.11.2009

Dr. Katrin Hater

Katrin Hater, a mediator and sociologist, has attended a multi-generation house in Aachen, Germany. REHACARE.de talked to the expert about generation gaps, rules and bobby cars in the hallway.

REHACARE.de: Mrs Hater, why does a multi-generation house need a mediator?

Katrin Hater: Realizing such an alternative living arrangement is a complex process. Therefore, somebody who is not involved should moderate the meetings in order to clarify all important questions step by step. Additionally, it is very important that the members of the group conform to some rules, which simplify communication. This sounds quite easy but has to be practiced and, in my opinion, only works with a mediator.

REHACARE.de: What kind of communications rules are you talking about?

Hater: One should talk about own needs and wishes, for example. That basically means that one should not say something reproachfully such as: “You never put the rubbish out”. Instead one should state it positively such as: “It would do me good, if you took out the rubbish more regularly.

REHACARE.de: What are residents of multi-generation houses fight about?

Hater: There are various reasons for controversy, which can be differentiated between factual, personal and group dynamic levels. An argument on the personal level could, for example, include topics such as how tidy a hallway should be.

REHACARE.de: Is this a typical conflict between generations?

Hater: Yes, because young families need a certain level of chaos: The bobby car, the buggy or the gumboots in the hallway – parents like this state of order because all this represents their children. However, older people long for more tidiness in their lifes. They do no longer have the power to react flexible to unforseeable events – apart from this, they may be afraid of stumbling over something in the hallway resulting in a fall. These basic needs contradict each other.

Bobby cars are to blame for fights between neighbours; © wikipedia

REHACARE.de: What other situations may cause problems?

Hater: Younger people suffer from a chronic lack of time because they have numerous obligations. They do like to socialize, but on the other hand they want events such as meetings to be treated efficiently and pass quickly. Older people have a lot more spare, though. The result may be that younger ones may be impatient and older ones complain about younger people never having time.

REHACARE.de: How do you arbitrate between the parties representing different needs?

Hater: You have to find the ideal way. This means that the residents realise how to benefit from the different life situations: Older ones, for example, find it interesting to listen to what happens in the younger ones' lives since they are in action have many contacts. Younger people may appreciate having someone who listens carefully when talking about their problems.

REHACARE.de: It is commonly said that blood is thicker than water. Do families cushion generation gaps better than a multi-generation house community?

Hater: This certainly depends on the family. However, families are ruled by hierarchic circumstances. It has much greater implications when my father talks to me compared to another man of similar age . Therefore, it is possible that sometimes living at eye level with other generations can be much easier with strangers than with the own family.

REHACARE.de: Can multi-generation living replace family bonds?

Hater: I think, family bonds cannot be replaced by anything. But you can find social contact, help and human closeness also in special housing projects.

The talk was conducted by Sonja Endres.
REHACARE.de