New Love in Best Age: "Our Biggest Fear Was a Negative Reaction from our Children"

Love does not turn grey. Jo (54) and Sita (57are the best proof for it. After both had lost their partners after long illness, they actually were only looking for somebody to talk to. About an Internet forum for the generation 50plus they got to know each other and found out first-hand that one cannot stop love.

01/02/2011

Sita and Jo enjoy their time with
each other - no matter what they
do; © 50plus-treff.de

For nine months they have been a couple now. Sita has moved to Jo to Düren. REHACARE.de spoke with the couple, still freshly in love, about stupid questions, annoying feelings and blue eyes.

REHACARE.de: Jo, after the death of your wife in March 2010 you have come along on the Internet on the search for a dialogue partner. You hoped this could help you to deal better with your pain. How did you take notice of Sita?

Jo: I really was in a bad constitution. When I chatted for the first time at the beginning of May, I put a quite stupid question, namely: „Who wants to chat with me?“. Sita promptly answered „Well, all of us!“. I found this quite cheeky. So I sent her a private message and she really answered. Then on her profile I could see that she had a similar destiny. Her husband had also died of cancer – like my wife. Right away, we were on very good terms with each other and so we wrote each other for about an hour. Indeed, Sita still typed very slowly. And I thought to myself: It would be easier to talk than to write.

REHACARE.de: By phone?

Jo: Yes, I gave her my number and then we phoned for hours. The next two or three weeks, we talked all night long, we cried and also laughed together. During this time, we felt closer and closer to each other. However, we were only good dialogue partners for each other, maybe already friends, but not more.

REHACARE.de: And when did you finally fall in love with each other?

Sita: When we first met in person, I saw him standing on the street corner. This was as if I had known him all my life. When he then took off his sunglasses, he finally enchanted me with his blue eyes. Jo is a very sensitive man who reacts carefully to every emotion.

Sita believes that it was destiny that she met Jo: Jo's birthday is the wedding day of her and her deceased husband. And Sita's birthday is Jo's wedding day; © 50plus-treff.de

REHACARE.de: Jo, when you saw Sita the first time, you first refused to accept your feeling. Why?

Jo: I thought to myself: This is really a very nice woman, exactly like on the phone. I felt very well in her presence and completely understood. However, I loved my deceased wife very much; at least, we had been married for 27 years. And, actually, I also did not want a new partner that soon.

REHACARE.de: What changed your mind?

Jo: Yes. I noticed that I had feelings for Sita which really disturbed me in the beginning. But the more time I spent with her, the less I could counter these feelings. With her I just feel fine. It is mesmerizing how she masters her life, treats the children. I would not have thought that I would find such a great woman once again. Sita has the same golden sides like my wife. It is, so to speak, a clone of her. I would express it this way: My love continued in another person. After three months of break love simply went on.

REHACARE.de: After you knew yourselves for only six weeks, Sita terminated her job and you planned to move in together. Have you really been that sure from the beginning on?

Jo: Of course, in the beginning we both had doubts whether all we did and planned was right – even after such a short time. I also had some discussions with my deceased wife, but I know that she would have agreed with it. And also Sita's husband wanted her to look for a new love quite fast after his death.

Sita and Jo argue seldom. They
think that there are more important
things than this; © 50plus-treff.de

REHACARE.de: One can see that you two live in a very happy relationship. Which role do attraction and sexuality play for you?

Sita: If one becomes acquainted via Internet like us, the appearance does not really matter at the outset. We have already approached emotionally very much without having seen each other.

Jo: For me the appearance has no superior importance. In spite of all we have a very happy and satisfactory sex life. But I cannot stress often enough that above all I estimate Sita’s warmth and her care.

Sita: But I am a beauty. (both of them laugh)

Jo:Yes, this is right of course. But I also pay attention to the inner values. Sita simply shines from the inside. And she also is externally an eye candy! One look from her and I purr like a cat.

REHACARE.de: How did your environment react to your luck?

Jo: Most of the people were completely upset about what we had done there. Neighbours even spread around that I already had known Sita before. And that I would have cheated on my seriously ill wife with her. This hurt me very much.

REHACARE.de: You and your partner, you both have two adult children. What did they think about the new love of their parents?

Jo: A negative reaction of our children was really our biggest fear. But they have accepted it from the outset and with the time we got along with each other better and better. In the meantime, my sons sometimes also ask Sita for advice. And I have always wanted a daughter. Now in Sita's daughter I have found her.

Sita moved from Schleswig-Holstein
to North Rhine-Westphalia and
she feels comfortable with Jo;
© 50plus-treff.de

REHACARE.de: What is the secret recipe for your happy relationship?

Sita: We let each other be who we are. Whether soccer or shopping – we have all the freedoms we need. But we also cuddle very much and with pleasure and we both need a lot of affinity.

Jo: And we are there for each other if possibly recollections of our deceased partners come up. On Christmas and New Year's Eve it was especially hard for us. However, then we can cry in the arms of the other one and we always find consolation and understanding. We also go together to the cemetery. This is like balm for our souls.

REHACARE.de: This really sounds like a perfect relationship.

Jo: Sometimes we have the feeling that we are in a movie. It is our only worry that one of us becomes seriously ill. Since, actually we think that we have suffered enough by now. But one thing is certain: We will stay together for the rest of our life. And now we wait for grandchildren together.

This interview was conducted by Nadine Lormis.
REHACARE.de