The Smile which Changed their Lives

Adopting a child is an important step. If the child is ill or disabled it is an even bigger one. Nevertheless, there are people who made such a decision in their lives – as well as Sabine and Lutz Lehmann.

02.11.2011

Back then, fate brought together
three lonely hearts;
© panthermedia.net/Jules Kitano

„It was love at first sight,“ remembers Sabine Lehmann when she saw little Jessica for the first time in 1992 – in the arms of a nurse. Jessica’s natural mother had left her directly after her birth. At this time, Sabine Lehmann worked as a cleaner in the hospital. „I remember that Jessica was crying. I came up to her and immediately she smiled at me. From that day on, I visited the little girl as often as I could.“

Her husband Lutz fell in love with her as well when he got to know her in the hospital. The German couple decided to take Jessica home as a foster child – despite her disability.

Jessica suffered from Arthrogryposis Multiplex Congenita (AMC), a rare congenital disorder that is characterized by multiple joint contractures which can include muscle weakness and fibrosis. „In Jessica’s case the illness was shown by distorted arms and inflexible elbows. Moreover, she had difficulties with eating and her left arm was shorter than the right one,“ describes Sabine Lehmann.

„You must be crazy“

The married couple knew the problems connected with the disability; they were still immaterial to them. In contrast to the natural mother who was single they were confident to be able to take care for Jessica well. After the youth welfare office had granted the foster home, only four-week time remained to prepare themselves and their flat for Jessica.

“Many people helped us. Family, neighbours and friends brought clothes, toys and other things necessary for a baby,“ tells Sabine Lehmann who was 28 years old. However, there were people who did not understand this decision. Sabine remembers: „Once, someone asked me in the open street: ‘Aren’t you the one who adopted the disabled child? You must be crazy!‘“ Nevertheless, the foster parents were not deterred.

In January, 1993 they took Jessica home at the age of six months. A child nurse showed the parents how they had to handle Jessica. „You could not lift, bath or dress her like a healthy baby. We had to learn special techniques,“ according to the foster mother. In addition, there were physiotherapy and ergo therapy.

The doctors had diagnosed that Jessica would have to use the wheel chair at the age of four and would not be older than twelve. However, Sabine and Lutz soon forgot the desperate diagnosis of the physicians when they saw how their daughter developed. „At the age of three years she could already run, speak very well, eat independently and she was very lively,“ tells Susanne Lehmann gladly. At this time, they were finally allowed to keep Jessica for good through adoption.

Jessica often felt anger towards
her biological mother;
© panthermedia.net/Matthias Pahl

„How could she only leave me?“

Jessica came to the kindergarten and there she also developed well. For the first time, she was confronted with her disability. The other children were curious and asked her, for example, why she holds her painting pencils differently in the hand than they did. „She was not able to do certain things as well as they did, as for example running down the stairs quickly. Someday, Jessica could not handle with being different anymore and started to behave strangely,“ her mother remembers.

Jessica started biting herself in her arms and disturbed the lessons. “Today, we think that Jessica unconsciously suffered from the fact that her birth mother left her. Once, during a visit in a paediatric hospital Jessica asked me whether I would also leave her like her mother had done,“ tells the adoptive mother compassionately.

„I knew from the outset that I am no natural daughter of my parents. We always spoke about it openly,“ says Jessica. She still remembers many talks with her new mother in which she could ask whatever she wanted.

„There were pupils at secondary school who insulted me due to my disability. However, the adoption has never been a problem for anyone. People admired what my parents had done for me,“ describes the today 19-year-old.

Sabine and Lutz are proud of their daughter and rejoice together with Jessica over her secondary school certificate; © private

Although Jessica understood the decision of her natural mother she still was mad at her and asked herself: „How could she only leave me?” At such moments she wrote letters to her birth mother. She remembers: „I burned these letters in which I could express my feelings. In this way, I could escape from my anger and felt relieved somehow.”

Jessica’s natural mother had already had two children and was single when her ill daughter was born. After a lot of considerations she decided to give away the little girl, because she could not offer to her what she needed. In the meantime, Jessica met her a few times and they spoke about the situation. The young woman does not want a closer contact, nevertheless. „However, for a few years I now have contact to my two older brothers and a younger sister who grew up with our natural mother. I am very glad to know them,“ she says.

Today, she has a boyfriend and is looking for an apprenticeship as an office communicator: „I am very happy about the fact that I have been adopted. I had a great childhood and an affectionate home.”

Michalina Chrzanowska
REHACARE.de